


Ways of Love

by Jutschina



Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-08-25
Packaged: 2018-04-17 05:13:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4653687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jutschina/pseuds/Jutschina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after "Someting borrowed", when Jack sits in his office and looks at the photograph of his own wedding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ways of Love

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to deal a bit with Jack and Gwen's relationship in this one :)

Jack sat in his office, an old metal box on the desk in front of him. He was far, far away... in his past. He glanced down at the old black and white photograph in his hands and thought of his wedding, so many years ago. A smile brightened up his face. His index finger brushed over the beautiful young woman in the picture.

Sarah. She was one of the faces he would never forget, no matter what things he was about to see in his unwanted eternal life. He still dreamed of her, from time to time, even though he hadn't thought of her in quite a while lately. Not since...

"You really love her, don't you?"

Jack blinked, finding his way back to the present. He turned to the entrance of his office where he found Ianto leaning against the door, a half-hearted smile on his face. Jack signaled him to come closer. He nodded down at the photograph.

"Sarah Rebecca Grey", he said with pride in his voice. "Actually, already Mrs. Harkness by then. The only one I ever did marry. I was so young back then, can you believe it? We both were, nothing could stop us - no social expectations, not her father - oh, I remember that guy--- not my immortality. I don't think that I had realised back then what it actually means, being immortal--" Jack stopped and cleared his throat. He reached for Ianto's hand and pressed it, still staring at the photograph. "And yeah, I really did love her..."

Ianto shifted uncomfortably and Jack looked up. "That's... um... she's... beautiful...", the younger man murmured and bit his lip, avoiding to look at him. "But... actually, I wasn't talking about _her_." Ianto smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

For a moment, Jack frowned in confusion before he realised what Ianto meant.

"Gwen", he said into the silence of the hub, his voice implying both a statement and a question. "You think..."

"It's quite obvious, isn't it?" Again, Ianto shrugged his shoulders, still keeping up the smile.

"She just married Rhys!", Jack replied with a half-hearted laugh.

"She did. So?"

Jack let go of Ianto's hand. In thoughts, he lived once more through Gwen's wedding day. He felt the bitterness in his heart as he thought of her, happy with Rhys, off to their honeymoon, not needing him. _Gwen. My beautiful, brilliant Gwen._ He raised an eyebrow as he realised the simple truth of Ianto's words.

"I---" Jack didn't know what to answer. He glanced at Ianto, his Ianto, suddenly looking so lost. "It's not like that", he said with determination. "Not like it was with Sarah. Not like... us."

"I-I-I know... but...", Ianto stammered, quickly turning around and moving away. "Sorry, I... I shouldn't have... it's just..."

"Ianto, wait!", Jack called and stood up as the young man wanted to leave his office. He went to him and put his arms around his waist, pulling him close. "Please", he murmured. Ianto didn't look at him.

Jack tried to think of a response to his words - the way Ianto had said them, they were not even an accusation, just a simple statement; and moreover he thought how he could possibly respond to their truth. A sudden thought crossed his mind - he imagined standing there, like that, in the middle of the night, with Gwen, and he couldn't help laughing.

Ianto gave him a strange look. "What is it?", he asked, trying to pull out of Jacks embrace, but the Captain just wrapped one arm tightly around his back while he pulled Ianto's face towards his with his free hand and kissed him. "Just had a funny thought", he mumbled against the welsh man's mouth, tenderly stroking his neck.

Ianto didn't give in to it, completely confused by now. "I don't understand---", he started but Jack shut him up with a gesture of his hand.

"Just listen - you know, I mean it, Ianto. I mean _this_ ", he said awkwardly, vaguely pointing at the both of them. "You're right, you know - Ianto Jones, you're always right. But you're a fool." Ianto narrowed his eyes as Jack continued. "I love Gwen. I do. And I love Tosh, and grumpy-old Owen, and Torchwood... and the Doctor, wherever he is. But that's just different. Different from-- this."

Ianto blinked. "I... I... You and Gwen - I see you. How you look at each other, how you're always watching her-- you never look this way at Tosh or Owen, ha-hn. It's... some sort of longing..." Ianto hesitated, avoiding to glance at Jack, and finally speaking with a sadness that made Jack's heart cringe. "You need each other, and you're afraid of losing her, Jack."

Jack flinched at Ianto's words, as calm they were spoken. He opened his mouth to contradict but any words he could have said were stuck in his throat.

"I know that you're right", he finally whispered, staring down at his feet. He felt exhausted, uncertain, tired. He linked his fingers with Ianto's, longing for the other man's touch. "But... you forget something..." Slowly, he raised his eyes again to meet Ianto's. His voice was low as he said: "I need you, too."

He remembered dancing with Gwen earlier this evening, and Ianto cutting in. He remembered his surprise as Ianto turned towards him and not Gwen, as Jack had expected at first - Ianto Jones, dancing with him, in public! He remembered watching the happiness on Gwen's face as she went over to Rhys, and the melancholic sadness that had filled him as he'd realised that---

_That I can never have that. Not again, and never the way she does. One day, she'll be able to choose. Choose to leave all this behind. And, oh - what a choice! If only I ever--- Normality. Living a domestic life. Growing old with someone. Someone like..._

Jack glanced at the man in front of him. _Is that what he's thinking?_ _He's got it wrong. It's not Gwen I would want to grow old with._

"I _need you_ ", Jack repeated steadily. Just now it was that he noticed the tears in Ianto's eyes.

"But... will I ever be enough?" With a sob, Ianto's trembling voice broke and he covered his face with his hands, once again about to turn away.

"Ianto!", Jack exclaimed, quickly wrapping his arms around him and holding him tight as he cried.

"Sometimes... I'm... I'm afraid, Jack... that I... that I'm just...", Ianto stammered through the tears, holding on to the older man and resting his head against his chest.

"Ianto Jones, my foolish, foolish Ianto Jones", Jack whispered, pulling away just to take Ianto's face into his hands and forcing him to look at him. "You are. You _are_ enough... actually, that's not right, 'cause you're so much more! You're... everything." The moment he said it, Jack knew that it was true, that he really meant it. His heart was so full with affection for the man in front of him that it hurt. "Want to hear my funny thought?", he asked smiling. "I thought about standing here, right here, right now, with Gwen. And it made me laugh. 'Cause there are many ways of love, believe me, I'm old enough to know a few of them... and whatever there is or might be, I wouldn't want _her_ here, I wouldn't want Sarah here, or anyone else than _you_ , Ianto Jones."

It didn't take anymore. Ianto's whole expression changed from one second to another. His face suddenly lit up and his eyes sparkled with desire. He wiped away the tears from his face, and then he kissed Jack with a yearning as if nothing but the two of them existed anymore. Jack closed his eyes as he kissed him back hard, their tongues entangled in their opened mouths.

They were completely lost in each other, already starting to rip off their clothes, but then they stopped for a moment, both devouring the other one with their glances, longing and so in love.

They spoke simultanously; "Jack, I--" - "Ianto Jones--"

They started laughing, both awkwardly caught up in their words and the thing they both wanted to say, those little words that meant so much; they grinned and glanced at each other with the innocence of teenagers...

Ianto signaled him to begin, so Jack cleared his throat, trying to bring himself together. Gently, he stroked the younger man's cheek and smiled, through and through happy, and for the first time in years actually wanting to say it---

The sound of the rift alarm made them both flinch, and in the flashing red light that announced another danger for the planet earth, the special moment passed as they went off to hunt down whatever had come through the rift this time.


End file.
